Here are some Microsoft Paintings that I painted for people in the year of our lord 2014.

2013 | 2014 | 2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022 | 2023 | 2024 | 2025 | 2026

Dear Jim,

I want to see Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince Of Bell Air dressed as Shredder from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles walking through the gates of heaven, high fiving Saint Peter.

Thank you,

Invokal Poet MC

Dear Jim,

Please paint A lovely picture of the Queen.

Thank you,

Paul Stinson

Dear Jim,

Please paint me Cher riding on the back of the Duke of Wellington statue through Glasgow.

I'd greatly appreciate it.

Nicki Fairbairn

Dear Jim,

Please paint me a shoal of Michael Fish.

Thanks,

David Rankin

Dear Jim,

Please paint Tragic Roundabout

Thanks,

Jack Brooks

Dear Jim,

Please can you paint Frankie Boyle teaching children how to swear.

Thanks,

David 'Magoo' McGuire

Dear Jim,

Please paint Vladimir Putin as every member of the Village People.

Thanks,

Matty Knight

Dear Jim,

Could you please paint me a picture of Richard Madeley crying in an ASDA supermarket because he has lost Judy. A member of staff is comforting him and Prince is making an announcement over the Tannoy. Richard is wearing a Ben 10 T-shirt and holding a balloon.

Cheers,

Alistair Wellman

Dear Jim,

Please can you paint for me a picture of Ed Miliband wearing the wrong trousers walking down James Turner Street being whipped by Jo Brand in erotic lingerie shooting rainbow laser beams out her nipples and cliff Richard in a Lacoste tracksuit drinking Skol Super with White Dee.

Cheers,

Adam Sheldrick

Dear Jim,

Please paint Mario & Luigi on Rogue Traders.

Thank you.

John RioFender McInally

Dear Jim,

Please do an oscar style selfie with UK "celebs" from the 90s. I’ll let you pick.

Thanks,

James Barber

Dear Jim,

Please paint Carry on Raving (the illegal gabber techno/stack worship variety).

Thanks, Angus King

Dear Jim,

Please paint He-Man on Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents.

Thanks,

Josh McGlynn

Dear Jim,

Please could you paint me Susan Boyle dressed as Ripley from Aliens wearing the big yellow robotic machine desperately trying to open a packet of Hobnobs.

Thanks,

Lyndon

Dear Jim,

Please could you paint a picture that will help me cope with sitting through back to back episodes of 'In The Night Garden' with my boy?

In this scene Iggle Piggle is doing a line of coke off Upsy Daisy's suspender-clad thigh, as she skulls another tin of Tenants Super. Makka Pakka has died of a heroin overdose and the Tombliboos are horribly injured and a bit on fire after a disatrous Ninky Nonk accident.

Thank you,

Nathan Dale

Dear Jim,

Please paint a picture of David Attenborough sitting proudly atop a great white shark which has somehow evolved legs and is winning the men's 400 metre hurdles having eaten the other athletes.

Many thanks,

Jess

Dear Jim,

Please paint Ray Mears and Bear Grylls having a survival off. Bear has managed to hollow out a badger carcass and is attempting to climb inside it whilst Ray has built a theme park out of sticks and leaves and is having a whale of a time.

Thanks,

Nathan

Dear Jim,

The late Kim Jong-il was a massive fan of both the Spice Girls and fancy dress. Could you paint me a collage of Polaroids he took dressed up as every member standing in front of a giant letter such that it spells the word 'Spice'. Note he hasn't taken his glasses off for any of the pictures and when dressed as ginger spice he is wearing a North Korean flag dress instead of the Union Jack dress. He has also included magazine cut outs saying 'girl power' and 'spice up your life'.

This might complete my life.

PGD (Dave)

Dear Jim,

Please paint Wolverine stuck in a cat-flap

Cheers,

Jeff Stubbs

Dear Jim,

Please paint me Predator and Alien skipping down the beach hand in hand.

Thank you,

Matthew Hawkins

Dear Jim,

Please paint me the final round of Salvador Dali's surrealist version of Countdown. One of the contestants is Danny Dyer and the other is the ghost of some swiss cheese. Naturally the clock has melted and Danny's head has exploded whilst attempting to solve a particularly surreal crucial conundrum.

Ta very much,

Darryl

Dear Jim,

Can you please paint Mrs Bassett unexpectedly coming home to find her husband Bertie doing naughty things with the Cadburys Caramel bunny.

Thanks,

Stephen

Dear Jim,

Please paint Abu Hamza trying to change a duvet cover.

Thank you,

Ecgberht Wesley Lassagna

Dear Jim,

Please paint me an Awkward Star Trek orgy.

Thank you,

Sam Wise

Dear Jim,

Please paint me Dale's Supermarket Meltdown.

Thank you,

Alexander

Dear Jim,

I would like to see Vic Reeve's version of Lloyd Grossman using 2.5 tonnes of Battenberg to crush David Cameron in the Yorkshire village of Kettlewell. Can you make it happen?

Thanks,

Simon

Dear Jim,

Could you paint Rosie and Jim on The Old Ragdoll being hijacked by Somali pirates?

Thank you,

Jane Sayer

Dear Jim,

Can you paint the very hungry caterpillar undergoing gastric bypass surgery?

Cheers,

Si

Dear Jim,

Please paint me Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood doing the can-can in full showgirl feathers on top of a giant Cornish Pasty.

Thank you,

Katherine Wolfe

Dear Jim,

Please paint me Crash Bandicoot at a speed awareness course with other Mario Kart and Wacky Races characters.

Thank you,

Krispie McBride

Dear Jim,

Please paint Jeremy Kyle stuck on a deserted island going crazy doing his show with coconuts.

Thank you,

Ребенка Аллан

Dear Jim,

Please paint me a Jim Bowen 747

Thanks,

Toby Phillips

Dear Jim,

Please paint The Queen dressed as a cat purring down the phone to David Cameron

Thank you,

Michael Gibb

Dear Jim,

Please paint me Smeagol crying at an H Samuel jewellers window that has ‘hundreds of rings at great prices’

Thank you,

Leilah Skelton

Dear Jim,

Please paint Mr Bump giving a statement to a police officer following a multi-car pile up on the M4.

Thank you,

Matty

Dear Jim,

Any chance you could paint that time Richard Whiteley took down a crocodile with his bare hands?

Thank you,

Greg Linwood

Dear Jim,

I would like to know what Michael Jackson’s Thriller video would have looked like had all the zombies been Alan Partridge.

Thank you,

Paul

Dear Jim,

Please paint No More Room at the Premier Inn

Thank you,

Jon Grubb

Dear Jim,

Please paint Bono dressed as Santa shoving U2 CDs down chimneys.

Thank you,

James Smith

Dear Jim,

Please paint me Dave Benson Phillips helping Jesus to gunge God on Get Your Own Back.

Thank you,

David Rankin

Dear Jim,

Can you paint when Hitler was a contestant on Catchphrase and was absolutely furious because his opponent was Bill Oddie and all of the catchphrases were about birds?

Thanks,

Sam Stockwell

Dear Jim,

Can you paint me the Chuckle Brothers exploring the Aperture science testing facility?

Thanks,

Sam Butterfield

Dear Jim,

Please can you paint Daft Punk Morris dancing on the surface of Mars wearing only their helmets and official Morris dancing tassels and braces. Adam Ant is shredding on the electric guitar to accompany the dance. The sun has gone supernova and Earth is exploding in the distance.

Godspeed,

David

2013 | 2014 | 2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022 | 2023 | 2024 | 2025 | 2026