Here is a selection of some of my favourite Microsoft Paintings that I painted for people starting with ones from 2013.

Dear Jim,

Please paint me Ann Widdecombe riding Space Mountain.

All the best,

Adam Maddox

Dear Jim,

Please paint me Lloyd Grossman on holiday in a filthy Spanish villa, where he is apoplectic after being served a dinner of tinned ravioli and a flat glass of fizzy pop.

Sincerely,

Chris P

Dear Jim,

Please paint me Pinhead from Hellraiser getting flustered while on Celebrity Masterchef.

Thanks,

Bee Log

Dear Jim,

Please paint me Jimi Hendrix explaining to an owl on his shoulder what a stick of chalk is, near a forest.

Thanks,

onemariannestephen

Dear Jim,

Please paint me the moment David Blunkett's guide dog is exposed as the infamous street artist Banksy... Blunkett is completely oblivious - naturally thinking the gentle hiss coming from his dog near a wall was a call of nature.

Kind regards,

Vin

Dear Jim,

Please paint me a picture of Brian Blessed riding a Henry hoover alongside D'n'B DJ Goldie on a Dyson. They are racing on the Mario kart level rainbow road and are both drunk on white ace cider.

Thanks,

Tommy

Dear Jim,

Please paint me Anthony Worrall Thompson making an absolutely pathetic attempt at shoplifting in Pets at Home. He's trying to conceal a fishtank under his jumper, a pair of love birds in his Nike bum-bag and there are gerbils spilling out of his pockets. His poorly thought through disguise consists only of a beard fashioned from orange coloured hamster bedding. His expression should reflect a sense of exasperation at his own stupidity as he realises that he already had a real beard of the exact same colour to begin with.

Thanks,

Dave Rankin

Dear Jim,

Please paint me Nigella Lawson eating a plate of Pentium 4 Processors with her metal teeth. In the background, we can see a mecha-war going on out of her window, on the streets of Bristol. Oh, and she's drinking Duracell branded battery acid.

Thanks,

otakukuma

Dear Jim,

Please paint me Robocop at the checkout in Tesco, trying to decide if its worth 10p for a bag for life. He has bought a shitload of Soreen so he's going to need something sturdy.

That would be magic.

Nick Connors (age 36)

Dear Jim,

Please paint me a picture of Ted Danson and a Ted Danson lookalike. They’re covered in bruises after getting into a fight over who the real Ted Danson is. They've made friends now though and are posing for a photograph at the chicken rave where they’ve been for a night out. Moira Stewart its standing behind them, looking on disapprovingly.

Thank you.

bruteforsythe

Dear Jim,

Please paint me an episode of popular Saturday dating show Take Me Out in which the young man coming down the love lift is the Norris-Thing from The Thing. It is attempting to absorb and replicate the desperate screaming female contestants and to the side Paddy McGuinness vomits on his chest in fear. This horror could have been averted if not for the fact that Kurt Russell, sitting in the audience armed with flamethrower and a mighty beard, has spotted himself on camera and is waving to family.

Thanks,

Greig Morrison

Dear Jim,

Please paint me a long queue of Leonard Nimoys standing in line to inflate Russell Brand's head. There is a foot-pump in front of Brand, and the nozzle is in his mouth; he looks frightened but determined. The Nimoys are paying 50p a pump, and judging by the size of Brand's distended and perilously-stretched head, and the pile of coins in the bathtub next to him (in which Anne Widdecombe is reclining wearing Michael Jackson’s 'Thriller' suit) they’ve been at it quite a while. This is all happening in the foyer of the Westfield shopping centre; a protective tarpaulin has been laid on the ground, and painted on the bathtub are the words 'For Comic Relief'.

Thanks, Colin Bennun

Dear Jim,

Please paint me Bobby Davro & Jim Bowen having a Big Fat Gypsy Wedding in the engine room of the rapidly sinking Titanic. Lionel BLAIR is visible through a vicious tear in the hull, frozen in the iceberg. Battle-damaged Arnie from T2 is the bemused registrar.

Thank you,

Alex Hay

Dear Jim,

Please paint me Timothy Dalton having an intense arm wrestling match at Stonehenge with Oprah Winfrey as William Shatner force feeds her Spandeu Ballet cassette tapes. Also Tupac Shakur is fly tipping his knackered hot point washing machine from his rusted out blue Ford transit.

Thanks,

Chris

Dear Jim,

Please paint me Wolf from Gladiators exiting one of the telepods from the 1986 movie The Fly. He has accidentally entered the telepod holding his old school Nokia 3210 and has emerged a half man/half mobile phone mutant.

Thanks,

Barri Corps

Dear Jim,

Someone at work told me today that Bob Holness didn't really play the saxophone on Gerry Rafferty’s Baker Street. Please use your Microsoft Paint skills to make my shattered illusion a reality.

Cheers,

Will

Dear Jim,

Please paint me the T-Rex attack scene from Jurassic Park, but the T-Rex is the band T-Rex.

Thanks,

Matthew Whitehouse

Dear Jim,

Please paint me Alan Partridge and The Ultimate Warrior posing for a photo in Alan’s room at Linton Travel Tavern? At the right side of the room, The Proclaimers are hurtling down through the floor and out through the ceiling in a continuous loop through teleportation holes from the Portal games.

Cheers,

Steven Kirkwood

Dear Jim,

Please paint me your interpretation of a fight between a "Daddy Long-Legs" and a "Daddy Strong-Legs". The latter is an insect with muscular human like limbs who wears sunglasses and doesn't take shit from nobody. The former is an insect with Dads for legs.

Cheers,

Tom

Dear Jim,

Please paint me Ross Kemp on Toast.

Cheers,

Toby Da Moose Phillips